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PIE OF THE WEEK

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

All wrong.

Ok... perhaps this is a little bit exploitative... and I don't mean to perpetuate any chauvinism...

but someone was just plain SLOPPY when putting this list together. Not only does it not follow any kind of hot-o-meter criteria (Seven of Nine is #48?! Yea right. And Scully does not outrank Jordan Two=Delta (Scarlett Johannson) OR Aeon Flux (Charize Theron?! Come on people)...)

Man. That. I. It's just. Ugh.

Not only was tribute not paid to the hottness of these characters - any kind of homage to these sci-fi stories/films/TV shows was utterly ignored.

PS!!! I don't care if "50" is a nice round number, cartoons don't count! And I'm even a fan of Cowboy Bee Bop! Oi....

Now, to satisfy the feminist in me before moving on, I will say that the value of these women as people or even actresses was (obviously) not a contributing factor to the aforementioned list or mine. And I certainly hope not to perpetuate any societal value on womankind by producing a list of characters concerning their aesthetic appeal.

The following is my own top 10 list of women in sci-fi & science fiction broadcast and film in more organized, respectful, and thoughtful arrangement than the list from UGO:
Frakkin' gamers.
At least three of the four female Cylons made it in. WHAT THE HECK! Flippin' Rekha Sharma is gorgeous!


10
Character: Liz Parker from Roswell
Actress: Shiri Appleby
Why: Come on! She's adorable! I totally wanted to BE here when this show was out. Maybe because she was living out a science fiction fantasy life in the city next to Area 51 with a super cute quiet-type alien boy, maybe because she was a waitress at the Crash Down cafe and I was clairvoyantly aware of my future attendance at APU (next to Glendora where most of Roswell was filmed). Either way, she's really pretty. And she didn't make stupid UGO's list.
9
Character: Echo from Dollhouse
Actress: Eliza Dushku
Why: Sorry, Eliza. You are obviously hot and I know nothing about you. So I am not going to write very much except for how very excited that I am for Dollhouse, the new Joss Whedon sci-fi show. I hope it doesn't suck. I hope they do not exploit your hotness too much. But it's sci-fi... not "science fiction" so... they will. But you'll get to carry and gun and kick people, just like in the old Buffy days. Except with a gun.

9
Character: Altaira from The Forbidden Planet
Actress: Anne Francis
Why: Anne Francis has to be one of the original Sci-fi hotties. But if Harlan Ellison had his way I'd be forced to have TWO lists, one for Sci-fi babes and the other for Science Fiction babes. Anne Francis would fall into the latter by virtue of her role as the only female in one of the most incredible movies made. Her beauty certainly warrents the attention she gets from a stranded group of intergalactic soldiers - but she also manages to convey a very attractive spunk in this particular role. If you Google images of her now, I think you'd have to agree that 50 years later she's still as elegant and beguiling.

8
Character: Rachel from Blade Runner
Actress: Sean Young
Why: This was not the only science fiction film Sean Young starred in, she also played Chani in Dune... but she has to wear this nose-piece breathing apparatus like the other desert people which is far less attractive than futuristic-noir, skin-job, cyborg Rachel, whom she plays in Blade Runner. It might be her edgy-ness in this film that really secures her place in my top 10 - I'd put money on her hotness stemming from the gross kissing scene with Harrison Ford. Apparently they hated each other, but the chemistry came across brilliantly in their performances. Aside from the smoking, up-dos, and incredible costumes she gets to wear in this film, Sean Young was just a hottie. Period. Care to contest? I think not.
7
Character: Andrea from Star Trek episode "What Are Little Girls Made Of?"
Actress: Sherry Jackson
Why: Man, I was totally distracted by this particular hottie throughout the entirety of the episode. William Shatner even gets tied to an android-maker without clothes on and I still couldn't stop thinking about how pretty this lady was! Perhaps because she's the token red-head of my list. While there were some intentional elements in the show to bring out her obviously nice figure, I think she is sort of accidentally exeplifies sci-fi hottie-ness. Her character was kind of adorable, kind of stupid, and very pretty - did I mention she's also a robot? Just what ever ner dreams of.

6
Character: Amidala from Star Wars: Episode I
Actress: Natalie Portman
Why: So now I am beginning to get a little embarrassed of the sci-fi chicks I am posting... perhaps because Queen Amidala is my exclusive reason for ever watching Episode I a second or third time. And Natalie Portman is another beautiful girl! And not because she gets her shirt ripped off and we get to see those hard abs she probably spent weeks developing for 15 seconds of screen time and fan favors on every Pepsi can for 6 years. Whatever. She's still a great actress and she wore those costumes like a pro. And managed to look elegant and unburdened for the duration of the movie! She's also, like 5' 1" and I'm kinda biased to that. Natalie Portman is also one of those very blessed people to be photogenic from any freakin' angle.
5
Character: Leeloo from The Fifth Element
Actress: Milla Jovovich
Why: Okay... I'm not a fan of the skin-tight, skin-colored, leotard she wears through this whole film, but I suppose it definitely goes toward some kind of generally recognized hot-factor... but that's not why she's my number 3! Frankly, anyone who can pull off orange hair as well as Milla Jovovich deserves mad recognition. Not only that, but she mumbles in a totally fictional language so well that you are immediately endeared to her! Impressive. And you know you were feeling awful about your humanity when she accidentally discovered war. Not that that has to do with hottness - but if she can tugged at your heartstrings, she probably got you sufficiently riled up enough to have a crush on her, too.

4
Character: Emma Murdoch in Dark City
Actress: Jennifer Connelly
Why: Okay... I'm detecting a trend in tastes... like noir very much?
This is another fantastic movie with a fantastic cast and a fantastic performance by Jennifer Connelly. Did you want to be her in Labyrinth? Yes. (Boys, did you not want to be David Bowie in Labyrinth? Oh... no? What if you go to kiss Jennifer Conelly?) I actually think that Jennifer Conelly is the most beautiful woman on the planet - I really do. She did not make the number one sci-fi hotty on my list for two reason: 1) her character in this movie is definitely hot... but doesn't really get to interact or be effected by much of the science going on around her, she's really a backdrop for her pseudo-husband, John Murdoch; 2) eyebrows. This is the aesthete coming out in me... I think Jennifer Connelly is beautiful, including her eyebrows! But the first shot of her is this incredibly overblown, tight close-up and frankly, the DP managed to draw attention to them in a most unflatteringly fashion.
I feel bad for saying that... forgive me Jennifer Conelly!
3
Character: Inara from Firefly
Actress: Morena Baccarin
Why: This is definitely where it starts getting tough. These top four are pretty pretty ladies and Morena Baccarin is by the most underrated of them all (kind like the TV show of her sci-fi debut). When I think "pretty lady," she's who comes to mind. I don't think she has quite the same posture as the other top 4, but that's what I like about her. She strikes me as someone who wears make-up because it's fun, not because she has to. I saw a picture of her in a cowboy hat and that seemed to ring truest. She's an absolute knock-out, and she knows it, but maybe she just doesn't care all that much. She's sweet. And down-to-earth in the way she carries herself. Spunk. I seem to like spunk, and Marena Baccarin seems both sweet and spunky!
2
Character: Niobe in Matrix Reloaded
Actress: Jada Pinkett Smith
Why: Oh man! If this isn't another one of the most beautiful women ever! I just think Jada Pinket Smith is stunning! They could have done a lot more with her character in the Matrix. But, then again, they could have done a lot more with the Matrix. Either way, both her egos in that movie are pretty bad-ass. I'm not sure there's any way to make Jada Pinkett Smitth look bad. Well.. actually, one time she had this hair-do in the 80s... but who cares.
In any event, the characters she tends to play have so much poise and grace and I think this is because the actress behind them does naturally, anyway. Will Smith is a lucky man.
(PS, in an earlier version of this post, I confused her and Zoe Saldana (playing Uhura in the new Star Trek) who is also another gorgeous woman... if I had realized my mistake, I think I would've had to make room for her as well.)
1
Character: Jadzia Dax in Deep Space Nine
Actress: Terry Farrell
Why: Perhaps I like Terry Farrell because she never quite oozes sexuality like the other sci-fi babes so often do. In fact, not really any of my choices do. But Terry Farrell always looks like she's about to outwit you, not matter how skimpy her costume for some stupid off-world Star Trek photo shoot requires. And in all her candids, she's always got her tongue out - like a little kid ready surprise someone. On top of all that, she is another one who has no bad angles! And beautiful bright blue eyes and sharp features - the Trill spots just put her over the edge, too, right? She did not get a proper rank in the UGO top-5o. Not by a long shot.




Seven of Nine is not in this list because... let's face it. She got a lotta name dropping earlier in this blog and is definitely the culmination/epitome of Star Trek hottness anyway:


Something similar, only this guy just did "Fifteen Fabulous Fictional Females" and includes some comic characters, TV characters, and, of course, some sci-fi hotties.


If you glean anything from this blog entry, take with you the film titles. These are awesome awesome awesome films that you won't regret watching.

8 comments:

David Hepburn said...

Not to nitpick your post, but it's Jordan Two-Delta (not Delta Two). See how much I like The Island? Sad.

Danica said...

David! You're right! I will fix it immediately. =D
How are you?

Joe said...

I can't even begin to tell you how much I've learned from this post. Clearly I've not spent nearly enough time watching sci-fi films. And any list that begins with Megan Fox at #50 is clearly way, way off.

Cody said...

"So this looks like a solid list, but the lack of animated characters pretty much makes everyone look like a big loser just as you suspected. Honestly though, it would take me years to actually decide on who would be #1. "

dericksch said...

To give credit where credit is due, Uhuru is played in the new Star Trek film by Zoe Saldana, not Jada Pinkett Smith.

Danica said...

ohmigosh! dericksch! You are right! And, as I just observed... Zoe Saldana is a very pretty lady... I actually think I will have to scoot Jada Pinkett Smith down to make room for her at number 2... oh the order... too much pressure.

Thaks, dericksch, I'll be sure to fix that as soon
(as I am not stealing someone else's Internet)
(in order to write you)
(because my husband called to chastise me for the mistake you pointed out. =D)

m. kayla said...

um, why is there no bsg characters on here? Starbuck? Six? HELLO??

Danica said...

ok, I'm sorry, Starbuck is AWESOME! but... she's not gonna make the top-hottest sci-fi babes list.. unless you REALLY like that boxing episode. Bleh.

And I gave Tory a shout out! I can't believe the three cylons made the UGO list but she didn't. Who the hell is Galaxia!? Why is SHE on there and not Rekha Sharma!?

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